Hi Leanne
I think there was an element of my kids feeding off each others difficulties at primary. One developed school refusal and one battled through in the end.
Its really difficult but u have to do your best not to allow them to detect any anxiety coming from you. Be vary calm and assertive and do your absolute best to keep them going as it really is best that they develop in school amongst their peers.
Ask for support but do not allow any suggestion that it is due to bad parenting.
We kept pushing our daughter past her coping mechanism at the advice of ewo and end psych and to prove to them that we can manage our child and now she is in a terrible mess.
Follow your instinct as a mother.
Best wishes