Hi Zoe.
we're very well here thanks. hope things are going okay for you.

as i was reading each line of your post, i almost knew what was coming next. some children are so hard on themselves. they have great intelligence but because they've been hurt or are anxious, they become so hard on themselves. any fail, no matter how slight can be devestating.

i saw this a little with my daughter. it got to where, rather than risk anything, she stopped. just stopped.

i let it go for a while to give her some room, and then gradually started to encourage little things.

she started going out for walks that eventually led to her running. there was a time she wouldn't have even dreamt of doing this in public, but off she goes now.
she started to learn to drive. still learning but her confidence has grown so much.

when she sat opposite me one day and asked if she could enrol in drama classes in our nearest city, i couldn't breathe. truthfully i never thought i'd see the day. it has been amazing to watch her come out of a shell that she was driven into by some horrible treatment by so-called friends in her teens.

she's doing her Leaving Cert in sept next. this will, in her words, give her so much more choice as she wants to pursue drama as a career.

even to hear her talking about these things calmly and happily is like hearing a new person.

for me, it's a sign of hope. i didn't do anything. time and her did the work.

i wish i could advise you how to help your daughter. i think things have a habit, for the most part, of working out with time. i know that when you're in the middle of a rough patch, this isn't much consolation but please have hope.

support her all the way, and keep telling her how much you love her and what a great person she is.

take care

Virginia

Hi Virginia
Thanks for your lovely message, it gives me so much hope. I'm really pleased your daughter is feeling better, you must be very proud of her. I hope that you are right and that time will help. I have tried to write a longer message but it keeps telling me there's spam, no idea why!

Thanks & take care

Zoe

Hello Virginia

As I have written previously, I have a 15 year old girl who hasn't been to school for 18 months. Many of the things that you have outlined, fit exactly with her. She's intelligent, bright and creative, but also a perfectionist. She seems to have lost any fight to even try anything now, even though she used to be so determined and competitive.

It is great though that there seems to be light at the end of the tunnel (so looking forward to seeing it!)

However, I also wondered, did you try your daughter on any medication? I only ask, because several people have suggested it to me for my girl, but I am reluctant, especially if time will heal.

Your thoughts would be appreciated.

Thank you.

Sharry

Hi Zoe and all

I did send a reply but for some reason it flew into cyberspace.
Perfectionism does seem to be a common thread. My son would rather not start or complete work than do work that didn't meet his standards. Very frustrating for us to watch, isn't it.
I hope that you can move forward in all this, Zoe, and find that a small step forward might lead to new strength for your daughter.
It is hard as we also have our own expectations that generally tend not to meet the pace that our kids are moving in.
If we can shift our thoughts sideways, there might be something that acts as a bridge. Not all learning needs to come directly from school.

Would you consider on-line learning? There is an educational on-line link in the resource section and in my post that never reached its destination I gave the URLs. If you search on the net you will find the Uk site.

Hang in there and don't feel you are on your own. We are here for you any time.
Take care,
Linda