Hi Janet

Things sound pretty difficult for you at the moment. You mention that your elder son has Aspergers. Do you suspect t your other son has the same or is on the autism spectrum perhaps?
Given your situation, it sounds like moving the family closer to your work might be a wise move. At leas then you can try them in the different school and you can also spend more time with them.
They probably don't have the self discipline, organisation and motivation to work with school work at home? It sounds like they need the routine of a school that understands.
Mainstream schools just don't cater for differences do they.
My feeling would be that this is the best option for you especially if there are complex mental health issues also at stake with your older son. Not any easy decision, I must say. But you can only go with your gut feeling on this one, I think.
Stay in touch, and don't ever feel alone. There are lots of us on here who can offer help or just be here to listen and care
Take care
Linda