Hello,

Thank you Linda and Simon for your replies. It is reassuring to know that we are not alone and, from what you say, the tough approach may need rethinking. I had a little breakthrough last night. My husband is considering buying a new (old) car. He has seen two locally and so I asked my youngest to compare them in terms of mileage, safety, engine capacity etc and tell us which was the best. He came back with a very impressive list of facts gleaned from the internet and local adverts and we put them together to present to his Dad. So, perhaps there is a bit of hope that we can use his special interests (cars, the gym, training the puppy and hip hop music) as a way to keep him engaged in some sort of education. It would be even better if there was some way of helping both my sons interact with other young people.

The meeting will probably follow the usual format of representatives from the school suggesting ways in which we may be able to help my son return to school (he usually agrees enthusiastically and then cannot do it when the day arrives); representatives from social care suggesting ways in which they may support my husband with both boys (our eldest son (16) has Asperger's syndrome and more complex mental health needs)- someone usually comes round and the boys hide or barricade themselves in a room. Yet, at least support is being offered and there may be a time when the boys can accept it. My main concern (apart from the frustration I mentioned in the other post) is that at 14 and 16, with little or no real formal education and very little social interaction (my husband also has AS) I feel as though i need solutions quickly before we have two very hard to reach young adults.

Best wishes,

Janet

Janet,

Assuming that you are in the UK - what are you doing up at 5:18am?! Time for yourself, I guess, but you need to keep fit and well.

I nearly made the suggestion responding to an earlier post that you use your son's IT skills, but this seems to have come through anyway. Research does require longer periods of concentration, and may lengthen that attention span that you were concerned about. I am sure there is more he could do without him realising that he is self-teaching. (Is that a word?)

Our school avoided the Social Work (Social Services if in England) referral, but I still wonder if that might not have been more helpful. Scotland is introducing a controversial 'named person' scheme which will provide a single point of contact to look after the welfare of every child under 18. Problems with the scheme are that the state 'guardian' could take over parental responsibilities and intervene inappropriately, and with data protection issues. But sharing information between people who need to know is a huge barrier. Currently when the 'story' has to be retold endlessly and one wonders if any progress is ever going to be made. Our daughter hated going over old ground.

So, to the point. Getting differing departments together is a big step forward and will, I hope prove helpful for you.

Simon

Hi Janet

Sounds great that your son did that research and what a great way of learning.
In regards to you sons barricading themselves inside their rooms when a tutor comes, my son used to do the same thing. He never did explain to me quite how he felt but I have heard from others on the forum that their children have done similar things. Perhaps the unknown expectation, the feeing of making s mistake? Don't know. Makes it tricky for you,though.

You certainly have your hands full. You deserve a medal for your continued pursuit of ways to give your sons an education, despite the obvious stress you must be under. Can you do things just for yourself sometimes? Do you ever get a break apart from work? How does your husband handle the boys being home all the time? Does he get much of a break?

As I have said, all steps,no matter how small are good but keep up the opportunities for them to get out of the house. Will your son go with his dad to look at cars to buy? Do you have family nearby who your sons interact with? Do your sons avoid all socialising or just in certain situations?
Hang in there, I am sure you will be able to find some help of the right kind soon.
Take care
Linda

Hi Janet

Just came across this site about An expert on Aspergers who is is giving talks across the Uk at the moment and during June.
Not sure if this is of interest to you at the moment but I did stumble across this when searching up more information on school refusal. His website is:
www.tonyattwood.com.au

Linda

Hi again

Unfortunately the talks as mentioned in previous post have already occurred in the UK. The website might still be of interest perhaps.
Linda