Hi Tarratill and Heather,

Gosh it brings it all back! I know how you are feeling and it is just so hard and extremely draining.
Make sure you do take those steps to have coffee with friends or family or take up a hobby - play a sport- paint - play music - something. Otherwise, as you know, it becomes 24/7.

The only way we could start taking small steps forward was when I was able to embrace my son for were he was and not want him to be elsewhere...if that makes any sense. We end up putting so many expectations on our school refusal children to attend - that in the end - that just can't do it. They almost freeze up. So by taking off some pressure (at least on the surface) there can be a bit less tension. Sometimes it helps to have someone else take them- but even that is not the answer- as it can make them bottle in the feelings and then explode and refuse completely again.

When they are in full swing of school refusal - their irrational minds just cannot handle our rational ones. So everything we say seems to bounce off them. They just want the feeling to go away. They don't want to be this way.

Focuse on things outside of school to build self confidence.
Education does not only come from school - nor needs to be in a straight line.
To be honest- the best help your sons will get is from you.
So hang in there - you are both doing a great job.

Let us know how you go with any assessment and/or help.
Do check out getting tutors...it could make a world of difference to keeping a door open.
Take care
Linda

I can't take time out easily. My mother and mother in law are completely unsupportive and think I am 'as mental as he is' and causing the problem - her very words to me this morning when I told her that shouting at him doesn't work and I have to follow professional advice.

I am good as a stay at home mum as my husband works all hours.

My husband has called me and he is stressed out in a new job and we cannot see a solution.

I am worried that as he wants to be homeschooled giving in will teach him that if he plays up enough he gets his own way. This is not a good thing to teach someone with fixed views if he does have Aspergers.

I know there is no quick fix.

Hi

Maybe see any schooling at home as a stepping stone.
But wait for a diagnosis of some kind. Even if your son does have Aspergers - you can't actually force him to keep going - it is just too stressful for everyone involved. You can try your best - encourage- psych into going etc but if it just doesn't happen - then home schooling is better than doing nothing. And it might not be for all of his schooling years. If he can gain confidence and self esteem during any home schooling - then he might want to go to school for the final year or two. Some people say home schooling was the only answer for them. It works for some - but not all. I did not choose this as my son was an only child - so felt he was missing out on friendships...who knows....

And maybe your son might be able to join a local home school group - many meet for activities. He might join a club? OR he might not. It is not the end of the world. My son has been isolated from having friends for the last couple of years - and yet he can still socialise well around adults and kids if he has to. He keeps in touch with some kids his own age by playing computer games and on social media. People told me this would be terrible for him - but seems perhaps it hasn't been so bad.
And today he went all by himself to enrol to do his final year of schooling at a college....who'd have thought.
So....there is no 'one way fits all' and don't let others make you feel bad. They have absolutely no idea what you go through. And they might never get it. I went through several years of criticism from others. My sister in law told me I was just not strict enough. My sister thought it was me initially too. Mums at the school said 'if it was my son...'
I learnt who was on my side early on and stuck with them. Mums whose kids do have autism or any disability have heaps of sympathy. The know how upside down your life can be.
Take care and there will be an answer out there for you. Come on here any time and just off load or ask for help.
Linda