Well Done to all who managed to get their children into school today, I was one also and I went off to my placement happily in the knowledge my son would try. Yes he made it, shame he was ten minutes lates but still a massive achievement on his own which he hasnt done in a long time. So why arent I happy? With him I am over the moon, the effort it took to get there was tremendous on his part and what does he get, MOANED at for being late. The when it came to Music a lesson he finds particulary challenging he refused to go to it. What do they do, find him some catchup work as promised in a quiet corner, no ring me at my work placement and inform me, they have done enough and are sending him home!!!! What message does this send to my child. I am absolutely furious but being as I was taking a private call in the stock cupboard wasnt in a position to argue. This school are seriously failing my child. He asked several times to find one teacher who is sympathetic and they told him no, they couldnt, if he wasnt going to stick to his plan he could jolly well go home. I am fuming!! I feel like not sending him now til after half term. What a joke. He openly said to me just that he really tried hard today and couldnt make them listen. Where on earth do we go now. He doesnt know what he's agreeing to in half these meetings because he'll say anything to get out of them. To their mind he hasnt stuck to his plan so he's out. Grrrrrrr

Sorry everyone but I had to get that off my chest.

Tracey xxxxx

You get it off your chest, you need to. I know exactly how you feel as we have had the same. It makes you wonder if they have one ounce of common sense between them. Can't they see the effort your son had to put into what he acheived today...it makes me so cross that they get treated like this. My praises go to you both but especially your son as he needs to know how well he did today dispite all the **** from the school. Can someone please give some basic common sense to these people!

OMG Tracey!!

This is totally outrageous! The day my school says that me i will not be taking her back! What do they want??? I know what a huge effort on your sons part it took to get to school..poor boy! I had the same sort of greeting the other week..we were late but greeted with "Where's my homework"...It's clear to me we are all just an annoyance to them.

What would the Education people think of them sending him home? UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!

Pity we are all so spread out... we could have made our own school!!! x

That's absolutely typical !!!

They have no idea how much effort and courage it takes to go into at all do they? Whatever happened to communication?

No wonder you are cross ..... I would be too ..... infact I was, many many times over the years. The education system needs a complete overhaul, with not so much time and money spent on the 'naughty' ones who are suspended and dont and to learn, as is the case in our area.

Take care all.

Sue and M.

PS. Well done to your son, he's an absolute star!

Tracey - how awful - no wonder you feel angry. So hard to believe - they obviously just don't see the problem for what it is and as someone else said - we are often seen as an annoyance. Does this mean your son went home by himself (surely illegal?) or did you have to go and pick him up? Is this a school where they are wanting the 'perfect fitting' kids for the 'perfect score'?
Your son did so well though- and so did you - so take heart on that level.
We are here for support at any time.
Linda

Thankyou everyone

Can I just say how much this group helps, its an absolute godsend. Knowing you are all there is a relief. My son did come home alone but thats ok, because he's 13 and never has problems coming home because he loves it here and wants to be here. I rang Parent Partnership hoping they'd back me up, they were supportive but need up to ten days to help me, so said after half term they will set up a meeting with school with me. I asked their opinion on sending him tomorrow as today has put him off. They basically said i have to and if he doesnt go, i must ring and then take him docs. Seems a bit much, because refusal isnt that he's ill, just doesnt want to go. I have told him to just try his best to go, what more can I do, when I know tomorrow will be the same thing, he's already worried about it. Roll on half term. xxxx

Good luck for tomorrow - praise your son up for the steps he took today and see what happens. There is always too much expectation put on SR kids which just makes the whole thing of getting them to school backfire.
There is not much thought if any that goes into how to support SR kids
Take care,
Linda

Good luck for today Tracey! It is the last day here and it couldn't come soon enough!!
Has anyone else had the pressure of homework to deal with? Our school is VERY strict on it being done and on time...My daughter has always took time and effort over homework but the last few weeks she has lost all interest and i've really had to push her to get it done..i have been helping her but it's a real effort for her to do it. I guess she just wants to shut all school stuff out of her mind...even seeing her school uniform makes her feel ill....

This has taken over our whole lives as i'm sure it has all of you...Good luck everyone..x

My problem with homework is that because he is so often not at school, he doesn't know what homework there is and even though I ask for work to be sent home, they are not doing so. So when he does manage to get to school, some teachers, not all give him a hard time. His geography teacher is the worst, she was also his head of year last year and really made our lives difficult with a totally uncaring attitude. Does anyone know if the school should be made to provide work. I have a meeting with the EWO for after half term and am going to try and get her on my side and ask for help.

Anne

Hi Anne,

My daughter is still at primary school..last year...i have just about managed to keep on top of the homework...just...i can't imagine how hard it is at high school..with different teachers and so many lessons..just getting a day behind and its hard to keep up..

At the moment i feel like i am running out of options...i have tried so hard to keep her spirits up and tell her everything will be ok...but it isn't working...as someone else said...some days it's like a switch has a lose connection and she just can't function...she is quite happy here today..i can hear her humming looking out of the landing window as i type...keeping the t.v off has no effect...as long as she's not there...she's happy!

Thanks for the reply and support Julie.

At the moment my son is at home, on his own as I work full time and I am separated from his Dad. I have left him with some art work for today, but it is so difficult to keep him motivated. Somebody else said something about her EWO mentioning that there are lots of children suffering like this. I am definitely going to ask at my meeting after half term why on earth there isn't some sort of provision for our children. It is quite obvious that they are different from truanting children. If I can find the time to get myself organised enough I would love to be able to tackle my MP about it, but I need to make sure I am in the right frame of mind and have all my facts. I'm sure if we could actually get some publicity and make people really understand we could get some help, but obviously none of wants to make an example of our child, so we are stuck.

Thanks for the support

Anne

Anne

I do have a meeting with our MP next Friday, as i am so in the right frame of mind to do this !! Go girl go.

I know I have asked before and Linda replied, but can any of you please write down your expereiences - difficulties you have had with schools, LEA etc as it will give me great weight in trying to get some thing done. I will open up a new thread for your replies.

Thanks guys

Sarah xx

The main problem seems to be lack of understanding by the schools, even though they say there are other children suffering in the school they do not understand the daily exhaustion to just get them to the school gates. Even if they do understand the CFCS is the only help offered and in our area until now I have only been able to get counselling which has been pretty ineffective. Finally after much hard work on my part the have agreed to a course of CBT, but so much time has been wasted, they have no sense of urgency. If our children had a physical illness or injury there would be sympathy and help, but because it is so complex and unseen we are largely ignored. Even the EWO does not seem to have an understanding of school refusal, her first reaction on seeing my son's attendance record was that she wanted to prosecute, which as a law abiding citizen I find ridiculous and frightening. Luckily the head of year and counsellor should be able to dissuade her from doing so, but if this was a year ago I don't thing the head of year last year would have cared and would be quite happy for her to prosecute me.
Sorry this is so long winded, but the main problems seem to be lack of understanding of school refusal and no proper support from the systems that are in place.

Good luck with your MP

Anne

Anne

Welcome to our group, Anne.

You are probably already doing this, but make sure you keep a record of all meetings, and if you can keep a record of school attendance, or reasons for absence when not 'just' school refusal, eg dentist, etc.

If no one else is writing the minutes of a formal meeting, do it yourself, and send a copy to the school, etc. This has the advantage of you having a record, but also keeps others up to the mark. If someone else is taking a record, make sure you get a copy.

There are some wonderful people on the site, and I am sure you will find support when you need it - good luck!

Simon

Hi Anne,

Does your sons school have a website? If so it might be worth downloading their current equal opportunites policy? Your son is certainly being discriminated against. If you are asking for homework and your request is being refuse then they are actively preventing your son from learning.

We have been very fortunate that my daughters subject teachers are very willing to email work to my daughter for her to complete and send back electronically. I know our case is different - she has a diagnosis of fibromyalgia, but even when we thought it was depression/anxiety they were willing to meet us half way.

Good luck.

Hi Anne and everyone :)

I too have been refused work home because they say thats giving in to him! My son failed to go today after yesterday's performance with them and I feel like not even bothering tomorrow for the last day because he is already fretting and knows theres no sympathetic ear there. I am divorced and I often have to leave him home alone but he'd rather do anything that go to school. We keep tv off during the day and no gaming devices if he hasnt been to school but sometimes I think I am punishing something he cannot help. We both feel like real nuisances to the school and although i have put it second choice for my daughter's up and coming secondary education I won't be sending her there. I have lost all faith in them. How fantastic that someone is going to see their MP and I hope SR will get recognition. These children need understanding and help. I have the threat of prosecution looming too and have got to the point where i am that miserable i think bring it on, it cant be any worse than what we go through on a daily basis. Best wishes to all for the holidays (thank goodness) and I am still pondering whether to put my child through it all again tomorrow xxxxxx

I have had the same experience regarding asking for work to keep my son up to date. They said it would discourage him from going in. And same story with homework - he doesn't always know what they have been given - he is expected to ask (of course never does) and then gets told off for not handing it in.

My son hasn't gone in today - oh well - next week is another week. Tis a worry so early in the year but...I take heart from the knowledge I am not alone (this forum is just so supportive - thank you everyone). I am not surprised he refused - after the teacher went on about the camp yesterday and the form is due in today - and also re the homework not being done in the right book. Ok - so our kids are a bit too sensitive- but so be it - I just wish the teachers could be more accommodating to their needs. They don't seem to think they have special 'needs' as such.
Good luck to anyone still going to school next week like us but to the rest of you - have a terrific relaxful break - stay in touch: -)
Linda

Good Luck to everyone for who the nightmare that is school starts tomorrow :(

We have had a lovely week off with my son so relaxed he even attended a family wedding which he usually refuses to attend social gatherings.

Now though the nightmare begins. Meeting with CAHMS tomorrow, seeing the doctor, just cus he hates school they want to label him, so scared they gonna say he's got something wrong, when i don't think he has.

Dunno how we gonna take bad news, me nor him.

He is worried about it too and asked me tonight if i would force him to go to a special school.

I'll let u know how we get on xxxxx


Tracey xx

Good luck to you both, Tracey. It is a pity that SR is such an individual thing in regard to how the school and authorities see it. And remember to maybe mention that you know of others via the forum with SR and no one has mentioned a 'special' school for our kids. Let us know how you go.
Linda

Tracey - there is something wrong - he is anxious top and bottom of it. Please stay strong this is a nightmare but one day you will wake up i promise.

I saw our MP Friday and he was very sympthetic and is going to see what he can do for us so fingers crossed there.

Sarah x