school refusers
a resource for parents
Hi all, I was the original author of the message.
Just an update, things no better this end. My son still not going to school and his school haven't really tried to engage hime or support him. He and I feel totally let down.
Basically this week the ed social worker rang to say school are not prepared to try anymore and I must get him in or de-register him to avoid prosecution. Been backed into a corner.
Looked into alternate provision and now school have said they won't fund it. Nor will the LEA, so basically its go home and get on with it. Parent Partnership are involved but their hands are tied and they can't make school co-operate. One things for sure he NEVER wants to go back there and I don't blame him. They have totally let him down and I feel I have too. So no other choice but to try and home educate but I don't know how i'm going to do that. He has had so long without schooling that he won't do anything, just gotta try persevering but worried for my child who is quiet and won't go out because of school worries.
I'm ill with stress migraines and my arthritis has flared up so life is a daily struggle at present. I just don't know why I never got the help I asked for since year 7, (he's year 9 now). Hope things have improved for some of you on this site. xxxx
Hi all,
thanks for all the support this site is the only thing keeping me going at the moment.
To Linda, met with cahms and after a long haul got a formal report saying my son had no formal diagnosis but just massive levels of anxiety relating to school. We thought this would be enough to get the help he so needed to reintegrate him but no, school had a meeting where to me seemed to be covering their backs, quickly filling out paperwork and putting a part time time table in place. They talked the talk about all the strategies they were going to use, but after an absolute morning from hell getting him there, failed to engage him and because he was anxious, made him sit in the office til home time. I rang in, in tear and was told, 'well this is why we think he'd be better of in a special school' no support or guidance given.!! He made it in again two days later and had been moved from the class he was comfortable in and had never met the teacher so again he was reluctant to go to lesson. No support given!! They telephone me to say its not working. I asked why my son was not being sent to the learning support centre as had been agreed and was told, after much uncomfortable silence, that it didnt actually exist anymore, it was being used for something else.!! All this made my son more and more reluctant to attend, saying it wasnt worth it to just sit in the office then be dismissed. He said he always felt a nuisance there and wasnt welcome. I began to feel the same, dreading phoning them and almost being ticked off for not getting him in. I indeed broke down in tears on many occasions and could see that the school were judging me to be a bad parent. This isnt the case, I have just reached my limit, with the endless meetings, stress, doing a TA course and the endless struggle with money also. I am definetely going to complain. To who I don't know but I have been asking for help since he was in year 7 and he's now in year 9!!! All the empty promises never materialised and now as he's missed so much is simply unable to catch up or cope. The stress on the family has been immense and there are times when I've wanted to run away from it all. I won't because I owe it to my son to be there for him. In year 8 they were going to refer us to CAHMS, we waited and waited and then had a meeting to see what the delay was and they hadnt even referred him!!!!! Six months later they finally did without saying why they had not done so before. The wait the CAHMS was almost 6 months and apart from listening to my child nothing good came from it. He saw a psychologist at school and he said my son had extremly high levels of anxiety almost as much as a person afraid of snakes being made to touch one every day. Unfortunately he left the school. They threatened to send social workers round way back in 2010, they never came. One is now finally on board, although i've only met her once at school and she is horrible. So unprofessional, saying that I should be looking closer to home instead of blaming school. Making me feel so uncomfortable and guilty. I believe that the school had FAILED my child and are now back dating all the paperwork to make it look like they did their jobs when clearly they didn.t They have refused to fund alternative provision for him so I have no other choice. I have received two phone calls this week asking do i want to deregister him!! Or they would start prosecution proceedings. What choice do I have, although one things for certain I am not going to be bullied over the phone to make a decision about my son that affects his whole future. Simply put they want rid of us, and we them but I also want to make sure that no other family goes through what we have. I am going to write to the head, as am convinced he knows nothing of all this. Indeed we had an IEP through the post this week from the SEN department saying they wished my son continued success this term and hopes he continues to work hard!!!! What the bloody hell, he has only been about 11 times this school year. It listed three strategies that they are putting in place, which they have NEVER actually done. I believe they are covering their backs as I have never even seen an IEP until this week even though the difficulties have been there since year 7 (he's year 9 now). Basically she's given me until friday to make a decision but what I really feel like doing is telling her to shove it when she rings! (I won't) I am so angry because now I have a teenager on my hands who has been out so long he refuses to do anything, he is simply existing. How I am ever going to homeschool him I don't know. Job centre are on my back to get a job, how on earth can I with all this going on? Even the so called special school that they kept suggesting won't take him because he is not statemented. All he needed was patience, understanding and strategies to engage him but now I feel it is too late. Thanks to everyone who has responded. Your support means a lot. And no sadly I cannot afford CBT or a private psychologist. We are living in poverty and my efforts to get us out, doing the course, have been long and hard and are faced with the struggles of my son's education. My doctor said as my son said he felt fine, he could not help. Stuck between a rock and a hard place not really knowing what to do next.
